A new generation of tabloid fodder has been born with the launch of Big Brother 5.

Last night saw the 12 desperate wannabes trooping into the BB House, safe in the knowledge that when they emerge again they can look forward to a career consisting of supermarket openings, compering at nightclub student nights and -- if they're very, very lucky -- a slot on daytime TV.

Runaway leader in the self-obsessed-attention-seeking-desperate-to-be-controversial housemate stakes is Kitten, a toe-curlingly annoying vegetarian/radical feminist/animal rights activist/lesbian who has about as much chance of winning as I have of becoming Pope.

Still, South African stunna Vanessa and dippy sloane Shell have upped the eye candy quotient significantly on previous years.