"GO IN. STAY IN. GET DRUNK."



More than two decades ago, the British government put the fear of God into a generation of children with the "Protect and Survive" series of films and booklets.

It's a classic slice of Cold War paranoia, designed to inform the public on what to do in the event of a nuclear attack.

Most memorable is the public information film "Casualties." Narrator Patrick Allen -- in his best Shakespearean Voice of Doom -- explains how to dispose of a relative who's died of radiation sickness:



"If anyone dies while you are kept in your fallout room move the body to another room in the house.

"Label the body with name and address and cover it as tightly as possible in polyethene, paper, sheets or blankets.

"Tie a second card to the covering. The radio will advise you what to do about taking the body away for burial."

A quarter of a century on, the government is putting the willies into the populace again with a new campaign to help the public prepare for terror attacks.

Little seems to have changed in the intervening period. As in Protect and Survive, the new advice urges homeowners to stockpile tinned food, bottled water and batteries.

It's great news for owners of shares in Duracell, Heinz and Vittel -- who are doubtlessly looking forward to another bonanza of Millennium Meltdown proportions. It's bad news, however, for anyone who wants to keep a sense of perspective about their chances of being wiped out in a catastrophic terrorist incident.

I'm sitting pretty, though.

I still have a full chemical, biological and radiological protection suit in my attic left over from the kit I took to Iraq last year.

Perhaps I should dust it off.