Garry Trudeau's BD is having a moral dilemma this week about what to do with the compensation he's received for his Iraq War amputation.

I had no such scruples.

A new house and a carbon fibre road bike were top of my shopping list when the money came through.

Also on compensatory matters -- please God let this story be a wind-up.

A former deputy head is suing Bristol City Council for £1m for being forced to sit in a chair that made farting noises every time she moved.

Because of injuries sustained in the course of duty I'm forced to wear a prosthetic leg that makes farting noises every time I move.

Can I have a million too, please?