Lynn G has spotted a great update on Aron Ralston, the climber who cut off his own arm with a Swiss Army Knife.

Fans of the The Onion will no doubt treasure the following real-life quotes from the Aspen Times:

'A doctor from the Moab hospital told reporters, “There’s no way it didn’t hurt a great deal.”'

and

'Upon arrival at the Moab hospital Thursday afternoon, Ralston walked off the helicopter, still bleeding, and into the emergency room. He requested pain medication immediately, according to a story in The Denver Post.' REALLY? I thought he'd request a Whopper and Fries....and why not Go Large while you're at it.

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